i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
