It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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