You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
