i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
