my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
