Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize