There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
