Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
