The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
