i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It was confusing and full of hummus
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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