Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
