Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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