im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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