so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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