i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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