i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
