My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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