..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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