mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
