i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
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