Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
