oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
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I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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