If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
