Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
