That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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