wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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