dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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