I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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