Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
