Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
