escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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