just come out here and I will go home with you...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
