I'm drive I can fine osifer
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
