Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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