Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
