I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Still dying that you shit outside
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
