Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize