On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
