She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
