Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
