life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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