My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
