I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I use my feet as sexual weapons
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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