He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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