Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
