I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
