you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
