I can't watch pbs sober anymore
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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