yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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