i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
