Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
