Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
