I wish I could teleport
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
