im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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