you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
