I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
third nipple confirmed
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
