can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
