Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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