if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
