pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
