i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
