God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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