Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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