I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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