We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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