Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
