i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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