All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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