you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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