Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
