Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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