he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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