You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
