My underwear smells like fireworks.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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