Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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