I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
